the vortex of my immortal abyss

please. i need time. i want this to run smoothly. the universe, despite its omnipotence, demands so much. i am not made of rubber. i am stardust, and tears, and mistakes. 


(c) image



Peeling Onions

Skin 1: Escape

I am not good at confrontations. I run away from it. Not the kind of fearful running – the thief kind of fleeing – silent, stealthy, and cunning. I run until I know that the shadows would need a few more years before they could catch up with me. I run away escaping like a coward or maybe I run because I am brave. No. Self-preservation –  that is the only reason.

I hate breaking people. I especially hate breaking broken people. Yes, there are broken people and I know what it’s like. Further breaking the shards of a soul that is desperately mending itself, will not do anyone good.

I will die. Everyone dies.

Skin 2: Lies

I don’t like this job. It feels mechanical. I feel like a robot; that is, if robots can feel . I do not want to find fault in it because there’s barely anything wrong with it. I am grateful that this job is keeping me alive but that is all there is to it.

I will die. Everyone dies. 

Skin 3: Misfit

I am nothing special. I am, like you, just another human made in the image and likeness of everyone else. And yet… yes, and yet, I do not fit in any cookie jar. I am too much this and too much that… lacking here and there. How is it possible to be just like everyone else and not find your place in this world?

I guess, I will die. Everyone dies. 

Skin 4: Leaving

Being the escapist that I am, it was always easy for me to leave behind things and people. I never thought that I could be left behind as well. That it was even possible to be on the other side of the burning bridge. To see the awkward smug faces of those awkward “abandoners”. To sit here waiting, assessing, and evaluating. To finally come to the conclusion that it’s no one’s fault. not mine. not theirs. That they never had the upper hand to make that decision of abandoning. Things just happen like that. The universe will always right the events. The universe puts the pieces together.

I guess, everyone dies. We all die. 

And whilst we peel them onions, we cry.

🌠 イサベラ