22 letters and 11 movie tickets.

I count everything. That’s the only way I know. I count to help myself, to steady myself, to defy gravity or to obey it. I count to verify reality.

It doesn’t matter what I count. I just count. I have to count.

I count so that the lines do not dance and disappear. I count so that I know I exist and everything else around me remains constant.

I count numbers, seconds, patterns on my dress, and my breath.I count scars and empty bottles.

I count the number of times you sent me flowers; the number of times you called me “mine”.

I count our dates, our fights, the hours you kept me waiting.

I count to live and to cease pain. I count so that I could forget the days you had me hanging, the times you had me yearning, the days you held me close – too close.

I count photographs of us – 35. I count photographs of you – 28.

I count the minutes spent on putting everything in a box; on opening it and re-closing it for the 7th time.

イサベラ

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